Just*in Time: April 2014

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Just*in Time
by Justin B. Terry-Smith

Hello Justin,

Photo by Don Harris  © Don Harris Photographics, LLC. All rights reserved
Photo by Don Harris © Don Harris Photographics, LLC. All rights reserved

My condom broke and now I don’t know what to do. What should I do? I’m straight and I was having sex with my girl in her ass and it broke. I didn’t think I had any lube, so this time I just spit on the condom and used my saliva as lube. When I penetrated her I didn’t really feel anything went wrong. After about an hour of having sex I ejaculated. But I didn’t know the condom had broken until after I pulled out of her. I then quickly ran to the bathroom and checked more thoroughly—and yes it broke indeed. I flushed the condom before my girlfriend saw me and I don’t think she saw the condom after I pulled out of her.

I’m very scared at this point. I hear that anal sex causes AIDS. Is that true? If it is, which one of us has it?
—Andre

Okay, Andre, do not panic. As a member of the booty love fan club myself, I must say that I commend you on having the courage to write me. Not many straight guys do write in about the booty love, aka anal sex. Let me just say this, as a gay man I can say I have experience with the booty love.

Now, first things first. I believe you say in your e-mail, “I didn’t think I had any lube, so this time I just spit on the condom and used my saliva as lube.” I’m guessing that this isn’t the first time you and your girlfriend have had anal sex, and you’ve used lube in the past. Lube has components that saliva does not, so, while saliva is very hot to use when having spontaneous sex, or even planned sex, it dries up a lot faster than lube does. In other words, using saliva means there’s a greater chance that the condom will break.

Reconsider using lube when using a condom. There are tons of new lubes that are out now that anyone who lives in the United States with cable can see commercials for. They are also available at almost any drugstore. I suggest using AstroGlide or a product called Gun Oil—I know I like it. Wink!

And, dude, in my opinion you should tell your girlfriend what happened. That’s my second suggestion. I know that you might be thinking that just because you can’t get her pregnant through anal sex, means it makes little difference if the condom broke or stayed intact. You’re right about that one, my friend, but, why would you try to hide the fact that the condom broke from her? It’s okay to be honest with her. If she truly loves you she will understand. I think you both should sit down and have a deep discussion about anal sex and then start exploring different types of lubrications and makeit fun for her. This way you will not think you have to hide things from her.

The communication should always be open when it comes to sex with your partner(s). If you are not open about the love and sex you want from your partner(s) then you will not get the love or sex that you want. That might leave you a little high and dry…no pun intended…okay pun intended.

Okay, and, finally, anal sex itself does not cause AIDS. If you or your girlfriend do not have HIV than neither one of you can get HIV from each other. HIV is transmitted only if you are exposed to someone who already is infected with HIV. My suggestion is to get tested and make sure your girlfriend gets tested as well. Also, consider picking up some pamphlets about HIV transmission from the place where you usually get tested for HIV. If you don’t have a place to get tested, you need to find one by going to A&U’s locator or some place similar on the Internet to search for it. It’s best to know if you are HIV-positive or negative than to go on with life not knowing at all.

So, next time, remember: Lube it up before you beat it up!

For more information log on to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) Web site: www.cdc.gov/sexualhealth.

Justin B. Terry-Smith has been fighting the good fight since 1999. He’s garnered recognition and awards for his work, but he’s more concerned about looking for new ways to transform society for the better than resting on his laurels. He started up in gay rights and HIV activism in 2005, published an HIV-themed children’s book, I Have A Secret (Creative House Press) in 2011, and created his own award-winning video blog called, “Justin’s HIV Journal”: justinshivjournal.blogspot.com. Now, with this column, Justin has found a way to give voice to the issues that people write to him about. Visit his main Web site at www.justinbsmith.com. He welcomes your questions at [email protected].