Deputy Press Secretary Larry Speakes in a still from Scott Calonico's documentary short WHEN AIDS WAS FUNNY
When AIDS Was Funny
Directed by Scott Calonico
AD&D Production, Ltd.
Reviewed by T.J. Banks
Deputy Press Secretary Larry Speakes in a still from Scott Calonico’s documentary short WHEN AIDS WAS FUNNY
The dots just don’t connect when it comes to Ronald Reagan and the AIDS crisis. He and his wife, Nancy, had numerous gay friends, and he opposed California’s Proposition 6, which was aimed at keeping gays from teaching in the public schools. But Reagan “absolutely did not act fast enough to address AIDS, and he certainly was not as forthright and public as he should’ve been,” activist James Duke Mason observes. Mason, whose father was a top campaign aide for Reagan in 1980, doesn’t see him as a “devil”; many others do.
“When AIDS Was Funny,” Scott Calonico’s documentary short, looks at the mishandling of the epidemic. The filmmaker/director has woven together audiotapes from three different press conferences (1982, 1983, and 1984) with still shots of patients with AIDS from the Bailey-Boushay House in Seattle. Reagan never appears in the film; like Godot, he is there but not there.
The two main “actors” are journalist Lester Kinsolving and Deputy Press Secretary Larry Speakes, who play off each other. The conservative Kinsolving keeps trying to find out what the administration intends to do about the epidemic, while Speakes comes back at him with snarky and evasive remarks. “In other words, the White House looks on this as a great joke?” demands Kinsolving at one point. Speakes never really answers him then or at any other time: he just keeps making cracks, and the rest of the press corps keeps snickering, an ever-dutiful Greek chorus.
The images of the patients provide a chilling counterpoint to these conferences. The most poignant of the images is that of a man holding another man who’s wasting away in front of the camera. It is a Pieta for our times, with all the sorrow and compassion of Michelangelo’s sculpture; and it reminds us that the latter is what these conferences were lacking.
T. J. Banks is the author of Sketch People, A Time for Shadows, Catsong, Houdini, and other books. Catsong was the winner of the 2007 Merial Human-Animal Bond Award.
Straight to the Point
Author Precious A. Jackson on Heterosexual Men, HIV Prevention & Thriving While Living with HIV by Stevie St. John
Photographed Exclusively for A&U by Sean Black
When it comes to HIV prevention, HIV-positive author Precious A. Jackson sees a need for more straight talk—meaning talk about straight men.
Through her writing and public speaking, Jackson has shared many facets of her life, including her own story of living with HIV. In addition to her current professional work with the City of Pasadena Health Department, Jackson has in the past done other HIV advocacy work. However, she says that she has pulled back from activism and advocacy because of “unnecessary politics” in that arena.
The Letter
Jackson’s story began with a letter from her ex-boyfriend. He was HIV-positive, the letter said. Jackson got tested. When she learned she was HIV-positive, she said, “The first thing that came to my mind was, ‘Who is going to want me now?’”
That was in 1998, the same year that President Bill Clinton acknowledged AIDS as a “severe and ongoing health crisis,” and just one year after antiretroviral therapy became “the new standard of HIV care,” according to AIDS.gov, a U.S. Department of Health & Human Services website.
Jackson was twenty-six years-old.
“I was young, outgoing, and vibrant and went to being depressed, and my self-esteem and self-worth was at its all-time low,” Jackson said. “It wasn’t until I went to my first HIV support group in August 2000 [and saw people] who looked like me living and thriving [that] I decided that I wasn’t going to be defeated by this disease.”
Sharing Her Story
After finding the support group that served as her turning point, Jackson wanted to share her story. She wasn’t a part of any of the groups considered most at-risk for HIV, yet she had become positive. She wanted others to realize it could happen to them, too.
“I decided that I wanted to tell my story to other women,” she said. “I wanted women to see me in themselves, and I prayed they would listen to the message and make better choices for themselves.”
In addition to public speaking, Jackson has shared her story in a biography, Revelation: Unveiling the Mask, which was published last year. She told the African Americans on the Move book club (www.aambookclub.com/unveiling-the-mask-in-the-situation-room-with-precious-a-jackson) that “I needed to write about my struggles of making poor choices, which led me to being a survivor of intimate partner violence. During my journey, I learned how to love myself and understood my worth as a woman. My book is dedicated to women who still suffer in silence from intimate partner violence. I want to send the message just because you’ve been through it or going through this situation, there is life after abuse.”
Away from Activism
Previously a proclaimed AIDS activist who worked with an initiative to train ministers about HIV and AIDS, Jackson has retreated from those aspects of her work because of what she sees as “unnecessary politics.”
“I feel the people who make the decisions for funding to be allocated to the various services for HIV-positive individuals look at them as numbers and not people. The humanity side has long been gone since HIV has become an industry,” Jackson said.
Jackson also objects to HIV-prevention messaging that she believes excludes heterosexual men.
“If I was involved in HIV advocacy/activism, I would advocate for prevention messages be created and targeted to heterosexual men who are living with and at risk for HIV,” she said. “In this industry, they are not inclusive of heterosexual men. I’ve seen it firsthand since I’ve been in a relationship with my significant other…who is also HIV-positive. We’ve been in some of the HIV community meetings in Los Angeles, and I’ve seen how people dismiss him or don’t listen when he has had the floor to speak….
“Now the prevention messages address women adequately, but…for heterosexual men, [they don’t] at all. All of the prevention messages I see are for women, gay, and bisexual and transgender….Just because the numbers aren’t high like fifty percent or eighty-four percent doesn’t mean heterosexual men are not at risk of acquiring HIV….
“HIV-prevention messaging needs to have billboards of straight men from all walks of life from entrepreneurs, college graduates, working-class men, and men who are the ‘school of hard knocks.’ The messaging can say ‘I strap up,’ with a condom in his hand alongside a beautiful female. Or create videos on YouTube and other social media outlets showing a straight dude having a conversation with a female that he likes, discussing getting tested for HIV. I also would like to see more barbers having discussions with their clients around sexual reproductive health, and if they get tested then they can get a free haircut.”
“A Life of Wholeness”
Nearly two decades since receiving the letter that marked the beginning of a life-changing journey, Jackson has come a long way from the young woman struggling with depression and poor self-esteem.
“It’s been seventeen years I’ve been living and thriving with HIV, and my perspective has changed a lot,” Jackson said. “I know I can live a life of wholeness, achieve all of my dreams, and die of old age. I’m now discussing other struggles I’ve overcome like intimate partner violence, low self-esteem, [and not fully embracing] the importance of spirituality.”
Jackson believes that addressing such issues plays an important part in HIV prevention.
“I believe people engage in risky behaviors due to underlying issues they are not dealing with. Some of these issues are low self-esteem, trust issues, abuse (sexual, emotional, and verbal). I feel once people deal with their issues…they’ll feel better about themselves and make better decisions,” she concluded.
Stevie St. John is an assistant editor at Brief Media, a veterinary medical publishing company based in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Her byline has appeared in many LGBT publications.
National AIDS Memorial Grove executive director John Cunningham (center) shares a personal story with scholarship recipients Abdon Orrostieta (left) and Manuel Venegas (right) during a candlelight vigil at the National AIDS Memorial Grove as part of World AIDS Day observances in San Francisco. Photo by Kevin Herglotz
National AIDS Memorial Grove executive director John Cunningham (center) shares a personal story with scholarship recipients Abdon Orrostieta (left) and Manuel Venegas (right) during a candlelight vigil at the National AIDS Memorial Grove as part of World AIDS Day observances in San Francisco. Photo by Kevin Herglotz
Honoring six high school and college undergrads who have made an outstanding contribution to public service and leadership in the fight against HIV/AIDS, the Pedro Zamora Young Leaders Scholarship shines a light on the promise of the next generation. Like Pedro Zamora, the AIDS educator, activist and co-star of MTV’s The Real World (San Francisco) in the early nineties, these young students are using their voices and skill sets to make a positive difference at their schools, in their communities, or in their academic fields. Zamora, you may remember, shot into the public eye when he disclosed his HIV-positive status on the television show and used his on-air and off-air time to destigmatize the disease and educate about HIV/AIDS. He passed away from AIDS-related causes in 1994, but his legacy lives on.
The National AIDS Memorial Grove, the San Francisco-based non-profit that grants the scholarships, recently announced the latest recipients. Launched in 2009, the scholarship is open to high school seniors and college undergraduates, but this year’s recipients are all at the college level and hail from six different states. The scholarship program is primarily funded through grants provided by UnitedHealthcare, Wells Fargo, and Project Inform. Students may use the funds to support their ongoing educational endeavors in both their chosen fields and community work related to HIV/AIDS. The program awarded more than $40,000 this year (with two students receiving two-year awards for 2015 and 2016), the largest distribution of funds in the history of the scholarship.
The scholarships recipients include:
Raymond Jackson • School: Essex County College, Newark, New Jersey • Currently working on: Associate’s degree in business administration • Goals & Activities: work with the Global Economics Department at the CDC to improve financial resources of individuals living with HIV/AIDS in developing countries; currently works as a peer educator at Project (WOW), where he uses his experiences and insights as an individual living with HIV to educate.
Adrian Nava (second-year recipient) • School: University of Denver, Denver, Colorado • Currently working on: In third year toward a bachelor’s in International Studies and Sociology. • Goals & Activities: Work in the nonprofit sector, with a focus on health and healthcare access for LGBT people and people of color; already five-years strong in the sexual health field, at state and national levels.
Uzo Okoro • School: Brown University, Providence, Rhode Island • Currently working on: A senior majoring in public health, soon to pursue her medical degree at The Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University • Goals & Activities: Chosen to be a Youth Ambassador for NYHAAD (National Youth HIV/AIDS Awareness Day) by Advocates for Youth; advocates for HIV-positive survivors in community spaces and on social media; lead coordinator of the Sexual Health Awareness Group (SHAG), a sexual peer education organization at Brown.
Abdon Orrostieta (at podium) receives the scholarship during a World AIDS Day ceremony in San Francisco, as (eft to right) Chanel DeLaney, UnitedHealthcare; Mark Ng, Wells Fargo; and Eric Ciasullo, National AIDS Memorial Grove, look on. Photo by Stuart Locklear
Abdon Orrostieta (two-year scholarship recipient) • School: University of Central Florida, Orlando, Florida. Currently working on: third year • Goals & Activities: Volunteers with Latino Salud, a nonprofit HIV services agency; member of the Health Awareness and Prevention Society.
Shira Smillie • School: University of Richmond, Richmond, Virginia • Currently working on: sophomore double-majoring in American Studies and Latin American Latino and Iberian Studies; studies the intersections of identity, poverty, power and privilege in the United States. • Goals & Activities: Works at the University of Pennsylvania’s School of Nursing on an HIV/STI prevention program for black youth with mental illness.
Manuel Venegas speaks while receiving his scholarship during World AIDS Day ceremony in San Francisco. Left to right: Chanel DeLaney, UnitedHealthcare; Venegas; Mark Ng, Wells Fargo; and Eric Ciasullo, National AIDS Memorial Grove. Photo by Stuart Locklear
Manuel Venegas (two-year scholarship recipient) • School: University of Washington, Seattle, Washington • Currently working on: In third year, studying Latin American & Caribbean Studies with an emphasis on Global Health. • Goals & Activities: AIDS advocacy, organizing, and mobilizing on community, state, and national levels; chosen to be a Youth Ambassador for NYHAAD by Advocates for Youth; serves on the City of Seattle LGBT Commission, drawing on his own experiences as an individual living with HIV.
For more information about the Pedro Zamora Young Leaders Scholarship and other National AIDS Memorial programs, log on to: www.aidsmemorial.org or reach the organization by phone at (415) 765-0497.
Two halves make a whole; two wholes make a relationship
by George M. Johnson
I can honestly say that I have never been in love before. Don’t get me wrong, I have been in a lot of “lust” situations and I have definitely been in a lot of “like” situations, but “love,” I can’t quite say that I have been there. On this journey of walking in my truth, I was able to realize that for many years I was dating without really having all my shit together. I don’t mean surface level items, either. I mean really having a full understanding of who I was and whether I was truly happy with the person I was becoming.
I lived under this belief that I was always looking for my “better” half. It really wasn’t until recently that I figured out just how disrespectful and flawed that statement is. Hear me out. To say that someone is a half gives the connotation that they are missing something. To say I am looking for my “better” half even furthers this belief that, even in the relationship, I am less than my partner and that there are certain areas of your life that are void and need to be filled. When you really think about it this way, it kinda hurts. The worst thing about that statement is that it pushes this narrative that me being my best only means that I am at fifty percent. Imma say that again. I. Me. Myself. Even when I have all my shit together, I am only half of the person I truly can be.
This would mean that people who remain single, never reach their full potential in life. This would also mean that people who are in non-monogamous types of relationships are all kinds of crazy percentages of their full selves. Let me be clear. For February, the month that is the home to Valentine’s Day, I want single people and even those in relationships to work on being “whole.” This year, I want people to do what makes them happy. If you are unhappy about body image, go to the gym on this day. If you always wanted to get a tattoo but worried about what others may think, get a tattoo. Buy yourself some flowers. Take yourself out to eat dinner. Show yourself some love because you are wonderfully created and beautifully designed and that deserves some selfishness!
For me being whole isn’t just as simple as having my finances in order. Having a car, a job, a place is all surface level. Having my shit together includes affirmation in myself of who I was, who I am, and who I will become. I now live my life working on filling my own voids on my own. If I am unhappy with body image, I am not looking for someone else to accept it before I am willing to accept it myself. If I have voids in certain areas of my life, it is my duty to fill those voids. It should never be someone else’s duty to fill voided areas in my life. Love starts at home. Love starts from within. It used to be that person who was upset about my “love life” never realizing that I was never in love with me. How could I expect someone else to love my flaws and all when I hadn’t fully come to terms with them myself?
Even when we talk about HIV and serodiscordant relationships we must be certain that we are affirming that having the virus does not make you less of a person. Having HIV is a just a small part of the entire person that you are. Being HIV-positive should not be a detriment to the dating pool. With advancements in treatment and the introduction of PrEP into the market, it is my hope that many of the stigmas around dating and loving a person who is HIV-positive will soon fade away. People who are living with HIV should not have to live with the fear of being alone. People who are black and gay should no longer think that they are not worthy enough to find love.
I also want to point out the fact that love may not be in the cards for everyone and that is OKAY! Being single for the rest of your life does not have to be looked upon as some type of failure. Nurture the relationships you already have rather than being depressed about the ones you long to be in. Mathematically, all of us in the dating pool will not get married. All of us will not find a lifelong partner. To live under this belief is a disservice to yourself. Know that you are enough for you and that as long as you love yourself, nothing else should even matter.
I conclude this by saying I will no longer chase my other “half.” I will do things that make me happy and make me whole. This in turn will show who I truly am. This is what I want the world to see. This is what I want my other “whole” to be attracted too. Happy Valentine’s Day all. Let’s do the work on finding our other wholes.
George M. Johnson is an HIV advocate who works for Us Helping Us, People into Living located in Washington, D.C. He has written for Pride.com, Musedmagonline.com, Blavity.com, Rolereboot.org, and Ebony.com. Follow him on Twitter @IamGMJohnson.
I’m obsessed with the Spanish series Velvet—the story of a Madrid haute couture store in the fifties and sixties. Imagine the American series Mad Men, only with hemlines. You can stream it on Netflix, darlings. I’m particularly mad about Rita, an effervescent plain-Jane who heads the sewing department. When she’s exasperated with life, her signature response is, “Ay Dios mio…!” Rita is fastidious, kooky, and always ready to put her own needs on hold to help someone else, even when she’s hungry for someone to love her. She could be a Pedro Almodóvar heroine on a caffeine-rush.
I suspected that the actor who portrays Rita was also a “giving” person. My Euro contacts put Miss Ruby in touch with the actor who portrays “Ree-ta”—as the Spanish say it, with a trilling of the “R.”
Cecilia Freire is a celebrated Spanish actor, sort of a Jennifer Aniston type. She studied drama in
Illustration by Davidd Batalon
London and New York, and her CV includes stage, film, and television work. In fact, she starred for four years in a popular TV series called Physical or Chemical, which followed the lives of high school students dealing with sex and drugs. The series ended in 2011. The thespian’s favorite film is Tootsie and her choice role would have been Bette Davis’s character in All About Eve. Next month, the award-winning Cecilia performs a theater project in Madrid’s Maria Guerrero Theatre.
Cecilia just wrapped filming season three of Velvet—I can’t wait! She’s in her Madrid home and I’m in my little Silver Lake hovel in Los Angeles and we both hop on Skype.
Ruby Comer: Cecilia, what a treat to meet you! I…am…such a fan! Your performance on Velvet leaves me spellbound.
Cecilia Freire: Oh, Ruby, thank you. That’s very sweet. I’m honored to do this for such a wonderful publication. You do good work.
Gracias, Cecilia. Say, how many awards have you won playing Rita?
None. I know it’s going to sound cheesy, but really the best award is getting inside people’s hearts.
Well, you got into mine, Missy! Before we go further, what’s the proper way to pronounce your last name? Is it Free-air?
It would be great if my surname was pronounced in such a poetic way as “free air,” but unfortunately it’s more like “freir-a.”
Okay, let’s fantasize a minute! How do you think Rita would have reacted and responded to the epidemic if it had occurred during her life?
Rita would have had lots of gay friends! She’s never judgmental and so generous that she always chooses to put others before herself. I’m one hundred-percent sure that she would have lent a hand if needed.
That’s completely my take on it too. What do you have in common with Rita and how are you different?
Well, I’m very loyal and I always try to speak from my heart. Though sometimes not thinking about it first brings me some bad consequences. [She pauses.] I’m very different because I’m more “girly” and sometimes even posh. I guess I care more about my looks than Rita does. But for heaven’s sake, I’m an actress! [She rattles off a few chuckles with a flippant cockiness.]
Were there any challenges that you encountered by bringing Rita to life?
I remember being awfully scared in two scenes when I had to handle a mouse and a frog. I grew up in the city so having contact with some animals makes me really nervous.
VELVET touch: Rita with shopmate Ana. Photo by Maneul Fernández-Valdés/Bambú Producciones/Artesmedia
I can understand, yes. When I say AIDS, what calls to mind?
The Normal Heart, the HBO TV movie. I was very moved.
A super film indeed. How has the epidemic affected you?
I was a kid in the eighties, so I didn’t understand what was going on. Later on, a family friend died. I remember even in his last hours he shared a big smile with all of us.
What a tender memory, Cecilia….
[She asserts with gravitas]…I have to say Ruby, as you well know, the epidemic was not handled properly. There wasn’t much information available, the government was very clumsy in confronting it and then they didn’t take immediate action. They simplified it, not wanting to address it. [She lets out a profound sigh.]
It’s so embarrassing and horrible how awkwardly they handled the disease. [All of a sudden she cracks a smile.] I’m glad though, how step-by-step the [response to the] epidemic has been evolving. Now we’re able to speak about it openly most of the time and can prevent it. Day by day science is discovering how to live a better life with the illness.
When you were coming of age in the mid-nineties, efficacious drugs became available to those who were infected. Were you taught about STIs in school?
At my school sex wasn’t spoken about in any way. [She halts for effect, nodding her head.] Shameful….
Tell me, what celebrity stands out the most for you who died of AIDS?
I think my first remembrance was Freddie Mercury’s death. That awakened in me so many questions. He was so talented. It was so unfair that he had to leave us so young.
Ahh, Queen. I went to one of their concerts in the day. Freddie was such a magnetic performer, struck down in his prime. I heard through the grapevine that you used to be a singer?
[Her head tilts back, her mouth gapes open, and a shocked pain sweeps across her face.] I assure you it’s better that I never sing. Ever! Yes, once I did have a punk rock band, but all I had to do was…scream. [She laughs.]
Oh, you’re a hoot, girl. Last time I was in your grand city I visited Apoyo Positivo. They provide home assistance, day centers, and psychological support for those afflicted with HIV and AIDS. [She nods eagerly in agreement.] Have you been involved with any AIDS fundraising?
I haven’t been directly involved. I’ve collaborated for years with a small NGO that helps the schooling of young girls in India. It’s called Amigos de Odisha. [The non-profit organization was established in Zaragoza, Spain, in 1999, and Odisha is a State in India. Its mission is to not only provide education to those less privileged, but to maintain centers and programs for women of all ages, and incorporating projects that improve their socio-economical status.] Being that only a few people are involved with the organization, it enables me to have direct contact with the activities they develop.
What inspired you to get involved?
It started with a trip I took to India. I experienced firsthand how people there are abandoned by the system, and especially how women suffer injustices that are inexcusable in the twenty-first century. I needed to do something about it so I started supporting a little girl through the organization, giving her the chance to have an education. She now has a better future. This is one of the most rewarding things I have done, Ruby. [Her smoky coal-blue eyes glisten.]
Please give me the website for my readers, Cecilia.
It’s www.amigosdeodisha.org.Thank you. Though the website is only in Spanish, there are people there who speak English. One of my dreams, Ruby, is to go there and directly lend a hand.
Rita marries Pedro in VELVET. Photo by Maneul Fernández-Valdés/Bambú Producciones/Artesmedia
See, I had an inkling that you and Rita were similar in your humanitarian ways! I just have to know: what was it like kissing Adrián Lastra who plays Pedro? He is so scrumptious!
Kissing Adrián and getting paid for it is…unbelievable. Touching his amazing biceps…[she spins her eyes], I just can’t stop talking about it!
Before we Skype-out, I’m dying to know a Velvet backstory.
In the second chapter of the first season, Pedro and I had to do a little dance. Adrián lifted me up and hit my head on a lamp. It’s not cute; it’s funny!
Ouch! Thanks for being part of Ruby’s Rap…
[She interrupts.]
Talking to you has encouraged me to get more active in the HIV community. I’d like to find out more about UNAIDS here in Madrid.
Oh, I have friends there! I’ll connect you. No worries, girl. Well, it’s been too short and certainly sweet Rita—oops—I mean, Cecilia. [We both smile in earnest.]
Gracias tambien, Ruby. Adiós mi amiga!
Ruby Comer is an independent journalist from the Midwest who is happy to call Hollywood her home away from home. Reach her by e-mail at MsRubyComer@aol.com.
One man searches for straightforward answers to an ever-changing conversation
by Corey Saucier
I’m in the hospital again. I say again, because I am always in the hospital. Well not always, but often enough. I’ve had hip surgery, breast reduction, umbilical hernias, and tons and tons of butt stuff. At this point it’s really no big deal. So I’m in the hospital again, this time it’s for something to do with the kidneys….And I’m hooked up to an IV, and they have put iodine in my blood, and they are measuring something about my output every few hours; and I am dressed in one of those backwards flower-patterned blue robes—that is only half a robe—because your butt is always out….And I’m almost naked except for the robe, my socks, and a pair of cute Andrew Christian underwear—because I ALWAYS wear cute underwear; especially if I know somehow someone may see my bottom. And plus, hospitals are the best place to find cute doctors to marry. And believe me I love to flirt with cute doctors! Mostly the slightly overweight, socially awkward ones, because that’s sort of my type (not that I have a type,) but also, they are the ones who tend to make the most eye contact. And the brightest minds say that connection is about contact. And they give me tons of bare eye-to-eye contact. Maybe I’m their type too.
So me and this overweight mildly awkward doctor are shooting the Shih Tzu: chewing the fat and passing the time with light flirty conversation. And he is tired. There is something about him that seems worn down, totally inappropriate, and unguarded in a way that physicians rarely are. So the conversation is moving easily and freely; and I’m bragging about how good of a bottom I am; and he blushes, and laughs a deep warm heterosexual chuckle…pauses…and then looks me directly in my eyes and asks: “How good are you?”
And it’s my turn to blush….All of the highest minds say that the brightest minds say that connection is about contact: eye contact, physical contact, and social contact. You have to meet people at their level, and connect in some fundamental way. He and I had a dirty sense of humor; and we bonded over that.
The nurses are coming in and out—checking things—and measuring things: Touching me on my arm, and shoulder, and forehead—and comforting pats just above the knee—all the while giving scalding glances at the doctor. And the televisions is playing some morning talk show up in the corner; the way hospital televisions do—and the chunky, charming-eyed doctor is obviously just here to observe the research, because he hasn’t gotten out of his seat once since I’ve been here. And he isn’t paying the nurses’ criticism no mind; because he is tired, or distracted, or maybe something happened at home last night that shifted his personal priorities… but whatever the reason, he is more real than I have ever seen any man in a lab coat. And he and I are flirting, and making off-color jokes, and trying our hardest to make the other blush.
And after an hour of this, I eventually build up the courage to ask him the one question that I really want to ask him, because when am I ever going to get a doctor that is this human again? Plus, he and I are friends now: We’ve already exchanged first names, and I’ve pulled down my cute Andrew Christian underwear to show him the hip surgery scar across my right butt cheek—and he’s told me that “your ass looks great, it’s almost like it’s never been touched.” And I’ve fired back, “Oh it’s been touched; it’s been touched plenty!” Both of us are blushing and making eye contact, and looking away, and making eye contact again.
All of the brightest minds that research the highest minds say that the brightest minds need contact to build connection: eye contact for trust, physical contact for love, social contact for community, and sexual contact for “all of the above.”
So I ask him the question that I’ve been wanting to ask, “What’s the deal with condoms? Are people really using them? I don’t know anyone who actually uses the things; but that is all you doctors talk about.”
He winces, and shakes his shaggy head; looks to see if there are any nurses around, and says, “It’s my experience that none of my clients are using them either. Barebacking is pretty much ubiquitous among the men that I see. And I get it. I don’t use them myself. I get it.” He says again, “But luckily the conversations are changing right? It’s not all we talk about any more. Well, it’s not all I talk about….”
So much of the human condition is about connecting with other human beings; and in order to connect we need contact. And luckily we have found hundreds of hundreds of ways to connect—and to protect ourselves from those connections—but the brightest and highest minds still say that a human being cannot survive without skin to skin contact.
Corey Saucier is an artist and writer living in Los Angeles. He is a Lambda Literary Fellow in Fiction and Non-Fiction and is currently penning his first novel. His musings and wanderings on Love, Life, and Nonsense can be found at www.justwords.tumblr.com.
